Vancouver was a month ago! So much gets packed into such a short period in this modern life. It’s rich and full, churning, dense, flavorful.
Spring has arrived. I noticed that each time I look and SEE the incredibly soft, delicate beauty of the spring, I also hear a voice that says that I am missing it, it goes by too fast and I’m not creating the space to take it IN. The voices are so predictable! And when I listen to them, the space to take the beauty in closes down. THEY make something true that would not be true otherwise.
When they are quiet, it is just me and the blossoms and the fragrance and the cool, moist air and the first thunderstorm
I rode Spencer today. When I left home, it was cool but sunny, and there was a promise of increasing warmth. I rode off with just a tee shirt. Very shortly into the ride clouds moved in and it was cold, and then, by the time I headed home, I heard thunder and rain began to fall. I was cold by the time I got back. Meg had thrown my sweatshirt into my car, so it was dry for me to change into. I felt easy with her as she massaged her horse, Lad.
Now the air is quite cool, maybe 47 F. I see and smell smoke coming from Susan and Michael’s house across the street.
The ride on Spencer was somewhat monumental, my first ride out alone with him since the fall. I feel I am learning how to be with him: intentional, present, firm, warm. I was nervous at first, but it just got better and better. I feel his respect for me. He still relies on Oscar too much, going forward if Oscar is in front and becoming trepidatious if Oscar is behind.
But he did great, and I did too. I felt I can RIDE him now. Also, I rode him last week and felt so sore in my hips and groin, but today, my body moved with him comfortably and painlessly. I felt young and athletic. I so want him to be one of my two horses.
I wonder if this is what it’s like when a parent has more than one child, and they have to love them differently, handle them differently because they are so different from each other. What is the same about Spencer and Jasper is that I do better with them when I see them as green. I put myself in the role of, not
just a leader, but a trainer and guide. Mostly I guide them as to where to put their attention. Without my guidance, how would they know?
The forest these days has been so incredibly lovely.
Yesterday I walked in the Shutesbury State Forest by the pond. I travelled slowly, exploring, seeing feeling. For most of the way, I walked barefoot. The air 
was hot yesterday, so I wore shorts. A deer tick bit me right on the crease of my left buttock. I saw newly erupting Reishi, teeny tiny orange mushrooms and a spread of purple fungus on an old log. So exquisite. My heart sings. I love when my conscience is peaceful enough to feel the gratitude of being alive. And it has been lately. So full.
And then there is the house. I go from delight that it is happening with all the planning and visualising that comes with it, to being scared as to what I’m taking on. Over all, it is okay though. I can’t quite believe it is happening. 
My biggest worry is getting overwhelmed with loneliness but, that is something I’ve faced so much. The other side of loneliness is such peace.
I am loving my horses, both of them. That feels so good. I sit out here now on the porch of my little cabin all dressed in wool from my leggings to my bra to my hat, shirt, poncho, sweatshirt. The spring has come on delightfully slowly.